Norm
Wizard
So I just got back from D'Angelo's where a sign proudly proclaims they were established in 1967, 10 years after I was born. I don't really remember them back then but I guess I'll take their word for it. We did have a McDonald's and a Jack in the Box in the neighborhood. I'm not sure how their food would have went over in my neighborhood in New York those days but I guess somewhere someone was buying their sandwiches. But I do like it OK now. I ordered a hamburger sub with mayo and red onions, got some BBQ chips and a small fountain drink which came to $7.57. I can tell you this: for $7.57 when I was a kid I could have fed me and about 20 friends at McDonald's or Jack in the Box.
I sit at a booth by myself and while I'm eating I see this sign:
I start to wonder what they mean by "100% Real Lobster." I mean it is a lobster sandwich right? What exactly would you think is in a lobster sandwich anyway? Lobster, right? It begs the question: What would a sandwich made with 50% real lobster look like? Would that mean that half is lobster and half some sort of crustacean filler? Or half is lobster and you pick the other half that gets mixed into it, like one of those fancy ice cream places that mix in the M&M's or nuts into the ice cream right in front of you? "Yea, I'll have half lobster and half peanut butter. Make sure you mix it in real well because last time I could taste just lobster in a couple of bites."
And why do they have to say "Real Lobster?" That kind of bothers me because I didn't know there was another kind of lobster. Now, wherever I go out to eat lobster I have to ask them if it's "real" lobster. Maybe I should ask to actually see the live lobster first and if it's not too much trouble let me watch them cook it cause you never know, they might try to sneak in a fake lobster while I'm not looking. I mean if they don't tell you its real lobster how do you know for sure? I wonder if lobsters come with pedigree papers? Your lobster may have had a great uncle that was a crab.
Since I wasn't eating lobster tonight I decided the whole thing really wasn't that important after all and went to the bathroom to wash my hands. But then I saw another sign:
It says "Employees Must Wash Hands." It's posted right next to the sink. Having already eaten my sandwich I'm a little concerned about this sign. I guess I always figured that anyone preparing food, and then went to the bathroom to do who knows what, would wash their hands...no? But maybe with all the teenagers working there and because they have so much on their minds, like, fun, sex, movies, video games, sex, boyfriends, girlfriends, sex...it's hard for them to remember to wash their hands so why not put a reminder there.
But that's got me wondering too. Are the kids working here so stupid that they have to be reminded to wash their hands every time they go in there? Wouldn't you think after the first hundred times or so they wouldn't need the sign? Keep the sign up a month or two maybe, then take it down so it doesn't make their employees look like a bunch of retarts. And if they are that stupid maybe they're not smart enough to know how to make "100% Real" lobster sandwiches...or even a hamburger sub with mayo and red onions. Maybe they put white onions on my sandwich. I didn't really check.
And if their teenage workers were so inclined as to not wash their hands they would miss the sign anyway because it's next to the sink. So you'd kind of have to be thinking you were going to wash your hands anyway in order to see the sign. And if you were going to wash your hands anyway you obviously don't need the sign. In fact, then, it's more like an insult. "Of course I'm gonna wash my hands! What did you think I was gonna do when I walked over to the sink? Take a bath?" They should put the sign on the door I would think. Then, if you forgot to wash your hands, and therefore didn't see the sign next to the sink, you would see it as you pushed the door open to get out and be reminded to wash your hands. Just sayin'...
But then a more sinister thought came to me. What if the sign really wasn't for the employees? What if it were a subtle hint to the rest of us to wash our hands? Like "Even our pimply teenage retarts wash their hands so shouldn't you wash your hands?" Maybe it's the health departments sneaky way of preventing the spread of disease. They can't say "customers must wash their hands" because we'd find that insulting and never eat out again. Or maybe that's just me? But they can use subtlety right?
And lastly the most despicable thought of all came to me. What if The Health Department themselves mandated that D'Angelo's put that sign in there? If they did, then obviously no one in this restaurant really cares if the employees, or you for that matter, wash their hands. So chances are the pimply teenage retarts are not washing their hands because the owners and the managers didn't want that sign, the Health Department did. And the Health Department is not in the restaurant all day, every day, to enforce hand washing. The owners and the managers aren't going to follow the employees into the bathroom to make sure they wash their hands. What do they care? They're not the ones eating the food. We are! But on the good side, I realized the Health Department is not one to use subtlety so they definitely don't seem to care if I wash my hands or not. And maybe I won't next time because I hate signs!
I sit at a booth by myself and while I'm eating I see this sign:
I start to wonder what they mean by "100% Real Lobster." I mean it is a lobster sandwich right? What exactly would you think is in a lobster sandwich anyway? Lobster, right? It begs the question: What would a sandwich made with 50% real lobster look like? Would that mean that half is lobster and half some sort of crustacean filler? Or half is lobster and you pick the other half that gets mixed into it, like one of those fancy ice cream places that mix in the M&M's or nuts into the ice cream right in front of you? "Yea, I'll have half lobster and half peanut butter. Make sure you mix it in real well because last time I could taste just lobster in a couple of bites."
And why do they have to say "Real Lobster?" That kind of bothers me because I didn't know there was another kind of lobster. Now, wherever I go out to eat lobster I have to ask them if it's "real" lobster. Maybe I should ask to actually see the live lobster first and if it's not too much trouble let me watch them cook it cause you never know, they might try to sneak in a fake lobster while I'm not looking. I mean if they don't tell you its real lobster how do you know for sure? I wonder if lobsters come with pedigree papers? Your lobster may have had a great uncle that was a crab.
Since I wasn't eating lobster tonight I decided the whole thing really wasn't that important after all and went to the bathroom to wash my hands. But then I saw another sign:
It says "Employees Must Wash Hands." It's posted right next to the sink. Having already eaten my sandwich I'm a little concerned about this sign. I guess I always figured that anyone preparing food, and then went to the bathroom to do who knows what, would wash their hands...no? But maybe with all the teenagers working there and because they have so much on their minds, like, fun, sex, movies, video games, sex, boyfriends, girlfriends, sex...it's hard for them to remember to wash their hands so why not put a reminder there.
But that's got me wondering too. Are the kids working here so stupid that they have to be reminded to wash their hands every time they go in there? Wouldn't you think after the first hundred times or so they wouldn't need the sign? Keep the sign up a month or two maybe, then take it down so it doesn't make their employees look like a bunch of retarts. And if they are that stupid maybe they're not smart enough to know how to make "100% Real" lobster sandwiches...or even a hamburger sub with mayo and red onions. Maybe they put white onions on my sandwich. I didn't really check.
And if their teenage workers were so inclined as to not wash their hands they would miss the sign anyway because it's next to the sink. So you'd kind of have to be thinking you were going to wash your hands anyway in order to see the sign. And if you were going to wash your hands anyway you obviously don't need the sign. In fact, then, it's more like an insult. "Of course I'm gonna wash my hands! What did you think I was gonna do when I walked over to the sink? Take a bath?" They should put the sign on the door I would think. Then, if you forgot to wash your hands, and therefore didn't see the sign next to the sink, you would see it as you pushed the door open to get out and be reminded to wash your hands. Just sayin'...
But then a more sinister thought came to me. What if the sign really wasn't for the employees? What if it were a subtle hint to the rest of us to wash our hands? Like "Even our pimply teenage retarts wash their hands so shouldn't you wash your hands?" Maybe it's the health departments sneaky way of preventing the spread of disease. They can't say "customers must wash their hands" because we'd find that insulting and never eat out again. Or maybe that's just me? But they can use subtlety right?
And lastly the most despicable thought of all came to me. What if The Health Department themselves mandated that D'Angelo's put that sign in there? If they did, then obviously no one in this restaurant really cares if the employees, or you for that matter, wash their hands. So chances are the pimply teenage retarts are not washing their hands because the owners and the managers didn't want that sign, the Health Department did. And the Health Department is not in the restaurant all day, every day, to enforce hand washing. The owners and the managers aren't going to follow the employees into the bathroom to make sure they wash their hands. What do they care? They're not the ones eating the food. We are! But on the good side, I realized the Health Department is not one to use subtlety so they definitely don't seem to care if I wash my hands or not. And maybe I won't next time because I hate signs!
